This is an excerpt from a conversation between Nicolas and another test counselor at the BFC. The counselor is describing how he offered the reality condom as a new alternative for a client who had receptive anal sex at clubs. The Stop AIDS has been conducting a study of the use of the Reality internal condom for anal sex.
C: With the other guy the other idea that I hit on was the reality condom, so I was describing that to him, but it was interesting even on this, he was like, oh yeah, I tried that, and I said well, cause what I was thinking was hey, this is something he could put on before he goes out and it'd be in place so then he wouldn't even, it wouldn't even have to come up, you know, in terms of his negotiation. Maybe between sessions he could change it himself and not do it, I mean, maybe make a better situation.
Nicolas: Absolutely.
C: Or if it's gonna be one of these limited deals, where [ ] maybe one shot is all he needs if he just has one partner, so we were talking about it and he said yeah, I did that and I didn't really like it and stuff, and I said, well how are you using it, so he was keeping both rings in, and
N: So you couldn't see the thing, is that the idea, you don't wnnt to have it visible?
C: Well no no no, there's two rings in it. You know one's to go up and hold it in place in the cervix, but it's very uncomfortable in your anus
N: Oh,
C: And it doesn't fit the same sort of way and it's much more difficult to come in you know, so I said well you can take that ring out and he had a dildo, so yeah, I said you could put it in with a dildo and you're not going to have as much problem with it coming out cause you don't have all the secretion, lubrication going on that you would have in the vagina, and so, and if it does come off, it's gonna come out, cause there's no way it can go all the way in, cause the opening, here's your sphinkter, and here's the opening to the condom [Holds up hands and makes two "Okay signs" of different sizes]
N: And that has a pretty solid ring on it.
C: Yeah, and that ring's non removable, it's kind of sewn into the opening and I said you know the added advantage, cause this guy was also getting tested for STDs is, you're gonna have protection against skin to skin contact transmission, I mean someone who really likes anal sex, it's a real drag to have a bad case of warts or herpes or something like that, cause that's, you know, makes you more susceptible to problems but it's also not make it as comfortable and it's not as sexy, you know, so trying to talk his language and relate to say you know, the advantage of this over mr. regular condom is it's covering a much bigger area, you've got like an inch or so around the whole outside wo when the guy's pounding against you, you know, you have a little bit of added protection so, kind of selling some other benefits, well the guy was so excited he was like where can I get them? So I gave him the sheet about the SF Dept. of Health Study.
N: You gave him some pretty good instructions.
C: Yeah, yeah I gave him some tips and he was totally fired up, so he left with something immediately that he could try and I told him I said, now, you know, you need to give it about three tries, so it takes a while to get used to this so don't just give up the first time.
N: What happens the first few times?
C: Well it's awkward and it can be uncomfortable.
N: Just in terms of socially.
C: Right, and you know so much of sex, I mean I really come to the approach about enjoying sex, most of it's in your mind, I mean you really only have one sex organ, it's your brain and everything else is kind of secondary because uh there's so much of that context that really goes into the whole fantasy and to really appreciate people's fantasies as a way of understanding and helping them have insight into what attracts them and what doesn't attract them can be a way of empowering them in that way rather than pathologizing it or calling it stupid but to just say you know, so try it a few times, and he's like oh yeah, no problem, I said they come in a box of three, use all three, don't just make a judgment on one time and it's out because, getting back to my point, most sexual relationships are so ammenable to behavioral interventions you know if you really approach it that way because it is your mind and there are so many things, so when somebody says oh well I can't come doing x y z, if you can come you can come doing x y z, you just have to work on getting you tuned in, getting you tuned up for that, you know there's a way around that and so, there are ways, other ways of stimulating it and doing it.
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