In this excerpt from an interview, a test client describes how the advice of the test counselor and other factors impacted her decisions about using condoms.
Nicolas: How was the session?
Client: The session? I was so nervous and I didn't want to think about it I just wanted to come in, get it over with and that was that. I was kind of glad that someone slowed me down for a minute and said "here", you know, "this is actually something to think about." You know. And the counselor told me things, things that I'd heard from my parents, but I disregarded because it was a parent saying it. Such as you shouldn't have you know intercourse with someone for a while until after you know them.
N: M hm
C: Or and I think the counselor told me something like ah six months or so that I could see how people react in different times of the year and in relation to, just so you could get to know somebody really well. And and I thought, wow this is not coming from a parent, this is coming from a person in a clinic, who sees everything, who is not saying, you bad girl, is more like saying, this is reality this is what you should do for real, not just because your parents said so. So that was very different, that was the first time I took ah my parent's advice as being valid.
N: M hm. Cause it came from another person.
C: Right. And when it came from a technical person. A person who was technical.
N: How do you mean, technical?
C: I mean that they really had an awareness of what was going on. They weren't just people who were removed from this and scared. That instead it was someone who was here, in the trenches, I guess.
N: Umm, And you thought that was good advice
C: I thought it was great advice. Yeah.
N: And umm.. .do think it's affected your subsequent...
C: Wellll no. Hhhh I think it was great advice and I don't think the clinician at that point could have done much more..I don't think it... th..that the test counselor could have done much more. I don't think it was up to.... you know, him, Hhh, but I think umm ... the decisions I made that day (.) and then the actions that I took ... later ... were total opposites
N: Why?
C: I..I don't know. Ahh, because I... no matter wha...even though I had heard everything ... umm ... and I knew what I should do.... it was actually totally different from what I did do. I think part of it was feeling, kind of immortal
N: M hm
C: and another part of it was realizing that even if, at that point in my life, even if I was going to die, I...didn't care that much. And that.. that was very naive and very immature because... umm.....I don't think I understood how much suffering it would cause everybody around me and I didn't really think about it.. it was just very simplistic and I was ... having a good time. And I think, it was also that ... you see it's different when you're told to use a condom ... umm ... hhh...if you're going to be responsible about the whole thing, if you're actually thinking about what you're doing.. and so the physical feeling ... and the moment a.and so on, aren't as important as the emotional content of what you're doing then
N: M hm
C: you will, you know, if you know it's the right thing to do you will use a condom and and you will slow things down and you'll think about what you're doing and you'll communicate with your partner and all of those things ... That's if there's some emotional content to it but if youre doing someting just for the feeling. That's it.. and if it's just for the moment or the.. the high that you get, Hhh, ummm then you're not going to... I guess..stop that...if that's your motive why would you go against your motive.. and then.. and be safe.. If you're..if you're doing something completely for rebellion and just for the feeling and..and you know what I mean, it..they're just ..they're just totally contradicting. Which is why in most cases where you should use a condom, or or I should have used a condom, the most risky times...Hhh, were the times I didn't and the times when, you know...now that I have a partner that I'm with where we actually talk about things, I do. You know what I mean? So..
N: Interesting.. umm. And...with your partner now...are you monogamous?
C: Right, we're monogamous and after we've gotten tested, we've stopped.. um..using condoms. Yeah.
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