Note: This is an excerpt from a conversation between Nicolas and another HIV test counselor at the Berkeley Free Clinic.
The counselor is describing her interaction with a male client who hates the feel of condoms and having to stop and put one on during sex. Her solution was show him how to put the condom on while he was still soft. The advantages of this method is that the client won't have to stop to put the condom on during sex. Her condom advice goes against everything people are taught about putting a condom on correctly. Realize that the counselor is a woman telling a guy how to think about the shape of his penis. This counselor has clearly perfected this style of advice giving.
C: He was one of these clients that never had used rubbers before, never will use rubbers and by the time he left the session, I knew basically what size he was, how he is when he's soft, gave him different rubbers to try, told him to try em within a week, tell us, you know come back and if there's one he likes in particular we'll give him more of that. I had a trainee in with me and she was kind of amazed that I could talk so frankly with him about this stuff. And I tell them I say "You know, I'm getting ready to ask you something personal," but by this time I've broken the ice, we're in a good flow of a conversation and I say "I'm getting ready to ask you something personal so I can assist in you in choosing the best because the right condom makes all the difference in the world."
And I even tell the men that it doesn't matter what size you are, the thickness you are it's how you know how to use what you have. But the condom makes a big difference too and if you're using one that's too tight and it's squeezing you to death, then of course you're going to hate using condoms cause you're going to try to get through the sexual act as fast as you can. Or you may get frustrated and pull it off. And I said "the condoms are different now and they're very comfortable." And so I go through this whole thing so she [counselor trainee observing the session] was just amazed at uhm that I asked the man, you know I pulled out a dildo I said "well are you about this size?" and he was like, (laughter) "no, I'm just a little bit smaller," I said ok, but you know it's not the size, it's what you know how to do with it and I said ok and then, uhm, this paticular Sunday I had some very fat markers and I said well are you about this size? and he said just a little bit bigger so I put a thick marker and like a pencil size marker I says so are you about this size? and he said yeah and I said oh ok, said ok that's good, I says so let me show you which rubbers will work with this, ... I say ok now when you get soft, cause he was saying that he didn't like the the, he didn't like to use condoms number one, and then number two he didn't like to use condoms cause you have to stop what you're doing and put it on.
I said but you know, if you get a condom that fits correctly you can put it on when you're soft and he was like "You can?" and I was like "Yeah," I said, "now we need to talk about how you look when you soft." And I said " do you stay this way? do you stay erect but just go soft? do you, are you the type of person that retreats back into the body? he said retreats back into the body? I said yeah, ok, here, you know and I describe I said, you know when you get soft do you retreat back into the body or do you go limp? or do you just get a little bit like that? so he said, uhm, well I never really looked, I said you never really looked?, he said no I never really looked. I said well, I said just close your eyes for a minute and just picture yourself when you're getting ready to go up to the restroom, what do you look like? (laughter)
So he said ok, I got it, yeah I stay out and I just kind of go everywhere. I said ok. I says so, and then we know what you look like when you get erect, I say here, try these two rubbers and then I unrolled a rubber and I said well when you're soft you can't roll it good so you need to unroll the rubber, I say and you know how you put on a sock, I say how do you put on a sock, are you like most men you stick your foot in and then you pull the sock up?, or do you gather the sock, and he said nah I stick my foot in and pull the sock up. I said ok well we need to practice then, so I undid the rubber, gave him the rubber and I showed him how to roll it up and I said now here, you try. He fuddled around and I said while I continue to talk to you you know about the best time to use condoms da da da, why don't you keep practising, so he kept practising and he was real happy, oh look I got it, I got it, I said ok, so what you do is you put it on when you're soft, you know, when you watching a movie, I used to say just the movie, everybody said oooh, I said no not an x-rated movie, now I said when you watching the Sound of Music or something like that, you put it on, you know, cause you know you're gonna get busy or you gonna get involved, it depends on the age, if they're younger I say you know you're gonna get busy, if they're older I say you know you gonna have sex when the movie is over, you can go into the restroom, put it on as you get excited and erect all you should have to do is pull it down a little bit and it should fit and it doesn't interrupt. You know, it's not like opening up the packet and trying to roll it while you fiddling around and I said, and then you should be able to keep going and there's no interruption. I said that's provided that the rubber fits correctly. If the rubber doesn't fit correctly, then it's gonna be somewhere else when you get ready to do this. Over as much of the penis as they can get it and then as they expand they'll fill into it, especially if they gather it right.
N: Right
C: They'll fill into it
N: That makes sense
C: And then there's no interruption. All they have to do is just bring it down to the base instead of you know sshh, fiddling around, by this time she's "hurry up, hurry up, hurry up" and by this time he's fiddling around, he's just say oh forget it, get right to it instead of you know continuing on. I've had some of the clients say, "you know, that thing you told me works." I was leaving early one day and one guy stop me and he says you know some of those things you told me (laughter) worked, I said, good, good good. He says so when I come back in April I'm gonna ask for you, I said oh ok, so I do know that it works.
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